


It All Spills Eventually

by squaunchyblog



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Depression, Gay Keith (Voltron), Hurt Keith (Voltron), M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Panic Attacks, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 06:49:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11641197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squaunchyblog/pseuds/squaunchyblog
Summary: Keith isn't good at this whole "emotions" thing. And he especially isn't good at letting people know when he needs help with said emotions. So he bottles them up. But they cant be contained forever. And Lance is there when no one else was. (I suck dick at descriptions, I promise it's better than it sounds lol)





	It All Spills Eventually

**Author's Note:**

> OK SO, KEITH'S THOUGHTS ARE IN PARENTHESIS. Specifically the fancy ones. These ones: {}. Because I don't know if I'm able to italicize shit. And if I am, then I wasn't able to figure it out. So yeah. Sorry about that!

Keith was used to this. Feeling too much and thinking too much to the point where being around people is too overwhelming. It's nothing new. So, with a troubled mind and racing heart, he ignores the call for dinner and darts towards the training room. It's either this or...no. No he can't do that. He said he would stop. He DID stop. 

He shook his head to try and free the damaging thoughts and turned on an Expert simulation. Hard simulations stopped hurting after a while. And that's all he really needed. Pain. Immediately, a training bot threw punches his way, and he dodged almost all of them except for the last, which hurled him to the other side of the room. But he quickly recovered, sliding over to the bot and kicking its legs out from underneath. It crashed to the floor, but stood up before Keith was able to do anything more. 

Eventually Keith stopped thinking about the bot. About the simulation. His battle turned into one of blind rage with the flip of a switch. He knew he was punching and kicking with everything he had. And he knew he was on top of the bot, showing no mercy...but he wasn't processing any of it. Self deprecating thought after self deprecating thought attacked his mind in a frenzy.

{Too impulsive  
Ugly  
A threat  
Asshole  
A burden  
How could anyone love me  
I don't belong here  
They all deserve someone better  
Fuck up  
You can't even manage to string words together correctly  
You can't even express your thoughts and emotions  
Lance could never love someone like you}

He didn't know when it happened, but hot tears cascaded down his red cheeks and fell onto the floor beneath him. He was curled into a ball next to the beaten and broken bot with blood wiped across the floor. His knuckles were busted and bruised and his body ached with exhaustion. He overworked himself, and he knew that. But he didn't feel guilty for it. He deserved it after all, in his mind anyway. His heart felt like a hand was clenching it in a tight fist, and his stomach was churning. His teeth were clenched and he choked on his own breath. 

{I can't do this. I cant do this anymore. I'm a fuck up, I don't deserve any of this. I hate myself, I hate myself, I HATE MYSELF!}

His choked sobs turned into screams, words of self hatred flying out of his mouth. His muscles tensed and he pulled his hair and punched his legs, trying to release all of the built up pressure inside of his chest. Trying to release all of the emotions he hid for so long. So fucking long.

And that was it. He couldn't take it anymore. His resolve broke. He hid and hid until it was as fragile as a butterflies wing. And in that moment, with the click of a button, it was gone. He shot up. His tears stopped, his chokes stalled. All he could think about was the thing he should have flushed ages ago. His razor.

His legs carried him to his room, passing the kitchen, giving him no time to rethink his decision. 

*LANCE'S POV*

Something wasn't right. Yeah, Keith skipped dinner every once in a while, but he could have sworn he heard quiet sobs coming from down the hall. And his heart clenched at the thought of those beautiful violet eyes filled with tears. 

He tried to ignore the worry bubbling in his stomach. If something was wrong, Keith would tell them, right? He's a pretty outspoken dude, he wouldn't hide it, right? No matter how much he tried to convince himself that everything was fine, his leg bounced under the table with anxiety. He couldn't even eat his food. It sat there, getting cold as Pidge taught Allura about video games, and Hunk and Shiro talked about cooking techniques. 

But when he heard quick footsteps behind him, he gave up trying to pretend like everything was ok. He left his food, and pushed himself away from the table, not even bothering to dismiss himself. He saw a flash of red and knew that it was Keith. 

He quietly followed, careful as to make sure his presence wasn't known. Suddenly, Keith ran into his room and slammed the door shut. Lance got there just in time to hear him lock it. He bit his lip with anxiety as he waited. As he thought about what he should do. Should he just listen? Should he knock?

He decided knocking was his best bet. He had no idea what could be going on in there. And he despised the thought of Keith going through anything alone. So he knocked once. Twice. Three times. Four times. 

Nothing was happening. There was no response. And that was when he started to get frantic. He pulled at his hair and paced back and forth, waiting for something. Anything.

"Keith? Buddy? You've been gone a while. You missed dinner."

Nothing.

"Keith? You missed out on a video game lesson from Pidge. They went into intense detail about their character in Skyrim." He nervously laughed, tapping on the door with his finger.

Finally, he heard a shaky breath before Keith began to speak quietly. "I'm fine. Go talk to Allura or something." 

No, fuck that. Keith wasn't quiet. Keith was never quiet. Keith always sounded authoritative and so sure of himself. Lance had never heard this Keith. This Keith sounded small. So small. And so...broken. And he couldn't take it. So he whipped out a Bobby pin from his pocket (he gets cowlicks, so he carries them around) and began to fiddle with the lock.

"No. I don't think you should be by yourself right now."

And finally, after managing to fling the door open, the sight in front of him crushed him. 

Keith sat on the floor next to a box of Kleenex, using them to mop up the blood still spilling from his arm. He had cuts littering his forearm. But his eyes grew wide when he heard the door open, and he turned away. But he was a second too late.

Lance closed the door softly and locked it behind them. He ached with love for the boy beneath him and he dropped to the floor, hugging him from behind. He couldn't stop the words tumbling from his quivering lips.

"Oh Dios mío Keith, how long has this been going on? Why didn't you tell us? Odio verte así. You're so beautiful Keith, so amazing, please tell us when you need help. Keith..."

He could feel the boy in his arms begin to shake, and he was surprised when he felt Keith turn around and grab onto his jacket for dear life.

"I can't do it Lance, I can't do it anymore. I hate myself so much and you all deserve so much better, and I can't take it anymore. I was clean for two years. Two fucking years. I promised Shiro I wouldn't do it again, I promised everyone that I was fine and I was done. Two years down the drain. Lance, I don't know what to do..." Keith sobbed as he spoke, his voice shaking with pain, something that Lance had never witnessed. And he hated it. He hated seeing Keith, the strong red paladin, curled in a ball in his arms and grabbing onto his back like it was his life support.

"It's ok, I'm here. No one will be upset with you. You're so loved, Keith. You're so loved and wanted here. We wouldn't be Voltron without you." He hesitated before continuing. "I wouldn't be me without you. I need you." 

Lance held Keith as close as he possibly could, not giving two shits about the blood from Keith's arm getting on his jacket. Nothing else mattered except for the hurting boy in his arms.

"I love you Lance, please don't leave me..." Keith spoke in a whisper, his cries finally beginning to die down, and his heart rate calming.

Lance's heart jumped at the words, and he smiled into Keith's hair, playing with the scraggly ends. His cheeks were wet with tears, though he didn't even realize that he had been crying as well.

"I love you, and I'd never leave you. You can count on that." 

Lance didn't want to get up and disturb Keith, so he grabbed a clean black shirt from the bottom drawer next to them and wrapped Keith's arm in it, using the long sleeves to tie and secure it. They'd worry about cleaning it properly in the morning. So when he saw that Keith had drifted off, he closed his eyes and did the same.

***

When the rest of the team finally found them and managed to unlock the door, they were curled up on the floor, holding each other close and legs entangled. Soft snores filled the room. They saw the tissues covered in dried blood. The saw the little razor settled on top of his dresser. But they knew he was safe with Lance. He was where he needed to be at this very moment. So while the others waited outside, Shiro walked in and blanketed them both, turning off the light before closing the door behind him.

He could ask questions later. But right now, Keith needed this. Keith needed touch.

Keith needed to be loved.

**Author's Note:**

> So! I hope y'all enjoyed, this was just a dumb little venting thing I did, so i apologize if it seemed rushed or just generally not that great. Just know that you guys aren't alone, ok? No matter how alone you may feel, there's always someone who understands what you're feeling.


End file.
